In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
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