How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you didnt know i had herpes?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
