i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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