singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Randomize
