he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
