either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
