She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Come see our sink grown plant.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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