It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
