Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
