She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
