aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize