I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
