also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
