Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
