Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Still dying that you shit outside
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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