im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
