i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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