I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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