I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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