I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
