so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
