His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
