yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
