My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
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