I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
