now i know why i became what i already was.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
