Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize