also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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