i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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