I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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