she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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