Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize