He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
