im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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