A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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