That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
