i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
