i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
