Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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