I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
