dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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