yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
