i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
