if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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