His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
