WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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