I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
