I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
