I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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