Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
