Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
