would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
