Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
