TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
