He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
