I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
