why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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