Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
