you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Swine flu is the new snow day.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
