Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
