You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize