i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
