He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
