if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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