kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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