At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
