too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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