The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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