So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
