So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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