I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
